I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
