If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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