i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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