im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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