scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
