Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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