Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
