Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
