My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize