He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
