just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
