I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
