I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
