is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
