If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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