his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
