and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
