he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
