so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
