Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
