If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
