she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Dignity is for republicans.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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