worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I need to align my fucking chakras
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
