My liver just broke up with me...
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
