she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
