nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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