worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
