Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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