Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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