I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
she peed on how many people?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
