highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
