We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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