i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
