i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
