I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
