i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
