I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
the raccoons are back...
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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