PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
