On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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