You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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