i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
you will always have a special place in my vag
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize