i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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