The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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