One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
