i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
