I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
