Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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