you told grandpa to call you daddy
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Boobs speak an international language.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
The air taste purple.
Randomize
