My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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