if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
