it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
