yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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