Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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