So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
