I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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