You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
third nipple confirmed
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
