Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
