Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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