he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
