Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Randomize
