he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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