Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
