Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
i think i just lost a toe
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