Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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