U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
