i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
