The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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