please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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