Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
