At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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