you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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