is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
