girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
a search helicopter?!
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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